This is how you remind me
by socksforgloves
Summary: elliot march fears being powerless, but really, has he been powerless all along under blood's command? /yaoi/


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This is how you remind me_**

_story is [c] to me_  
_characters are [c] to whoever made heart no kuni no alice_  
_ note** Elliot March's POV_

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It happened, again, after I had told myself I was never going to let it. This shows how much power I have, which equals to none. The French doors you opened to cool the hot room did nothing but fill it with the aroma of roses in the garden, the sheets still stuck to my flesh from all the sweat and the bruises on my shoulders and neck still throbbed.  
You left me here without more than a sentence, unless you can call "I'll be back" a sentence. To me it was more of a jumble of words from way they left your lips, still panting heavily and your 'heart's' ticking still hasty. I begged to differ on whose 'heart' raced the fastest, though I could feel and hear the ticking of your 'heart' against the muscles on my back that made my skin tremble and my nerve system scream. I was sure, even from the empty hall ways that lead to your room, that the ticking of my heart droned out all noise. The pillow under my head felt rock hard and I wondered how you managed to sleep in this bed every night and do the things you do in it, no matter how hard I punched one of my fists against it, it would not soften one inch and I suppose I continued to punch it to let out my anger. I just closed my eyes and frowned when I imagined your face, your creamy and effortlessly smooth skin, the thin lips that held behind them those white teeth(the same ones that left the throbbing bruises), your hair that was as black as the deep sea and those eyes that burnt holes through the 'hearts' of Wonderland folk, I made sure when I hit that pillow that your face would be the one I hit.

Before this all happened I use to believe we shared the power, at least to a limit. You where the one I owed everything to in the first place, but there was always the sense of respect, I was your right hand man and I enjoyed following at your heels and doing your bidding simply because I knew I was higher than a trained dog in your eyes. But now I think differently, and in your eyes I am just simply your bitch. I think I deserve that title for letting you make me one so easy. No, never would I go against your orders. If you tell me to kill, then I kill, if you tell me to do paper work until the sun comes up, then i do paper work until the sun comes up. If you tell me to spend the night with you, I shut up and bend over like any bitch would do.  
Suddenly, punching this pillow isn't working and now I was simply punching a pillow and not your face, the powerlessness feeling comes back and now I just looked like more of a idiot, and you'd probably agree with me. I decided maybe it would be better to get out of this bed, for all I could smell was your skin and our sweat, I grabbed the sheet around me while I staggered out of the bed, holding it around my waist to keep from being totally bare. Your bedroom was bigger than mine, or Dee and Dum's, as I always thought it would be, and you had such a beautiful view over the rose gardens and forest you kept so secret, it made me envious that I had not witnessed this scene more, but maybe in different circumstances compared to this.  
We only had the one lamp on, beside your bed on its table, and its dim but golden light created hazy shadows of everything around it. I could only see so much of the garden with its own dim natural light and I wished the moon could off been awake to let me see the blood red in the roses. Standing in front of the open French doors, the breeze rolling against my hot skin and pulsing bruises felt pleasant, so different to the atmosphere inside the room minutes ago that felt humid and skin-tight. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as I could, feel my hair brush across my face and allow my long march hare ears to point tall, just until that door silently swung open again and I would have to brace myself for the after math of hours with you and following your every command like a dog.

I don't know how long I stood there, or how long I had kept my eyes shut, just wondering how I would ever pull myself back up this time. The first few times you had made me sleep with you I had held on by a thread and stitched myself back together but I was afraid this time I had lost the needle in the garden outside your French doors. I didn't even hear you come back in from where ever you had been, but when you cleared your throat and I was jerked out of my own little hide away, I saw the towel being the only thing around your waste and how your hair was damp and I guessed you had been in the baths. That was just like you, you always where so spotless with everything you did and just left the dirty work to me. In your hands you held a silver tray, steam rising from the funnel of the tea pot, we never had tea, normally you would just push me out of your room and that was that.  
"Blood..." I spoke your name under my breath but you didn't seem to hear.  
"Are you going to have tea with me, or not?" your question took me by surprise as you placed the tray down on a little table in between two arm chairs, beside it a book case to add onto the collection in your study.  
"Um....Y-yeah." I felt stupid for stuttering and my hare ears fell down against my head while I shuffled my way to take the chair you hadn't. I sat myself down, glad to have something between us and glad this chair was so soft, especially after the state you left me in.  
Without a word, I watched you pour us cups of tea and still without a word I reached out for the warm cup you offered me, failing at my attempts not to brush my fingertips against yours. You didn't speak a word and it left me lost, I was use to you giving orders and I disliked not knowing what to do. I began to sip my tea after gently blowing on it and you did the same, leaving our lips too busy to make words as they tried to ignore how hot the tea was but how refreshing it was after gasping for air in heavy pants.

"Elliot." When you spoke my name it was more music than anything and I looked up from the cup of tea in my hands to you. You where watching me with those eyes and I felt them burn into my flesh like cigarette butts.  
"What is it?"  
"You have something to say." My joints locked up when you said this and I looked down to the tea in my cup. I would never tell you how I felt about this... situation, about us.  
"Why would you think-"  
"Say it." It was an order and I gently bit my bottom lip. How was I to gain some power when you held it high above your head so I could not reach. I decided not to answer.  
"Elliot, say it." Your voice became a degree lower and more serious. But I still did not answer, I just rested the tea cup down on the silver tray.  
The next thing I knew, your smooth hand forcefully grabbed onto my jaw and I bit my tongue, you kept yourself propped over the table with your free hand so you could get your face close to mine. My skin quivered under the feeling of your hot breath and I could feel my knees going weak.  
"Say it." You gently shook my jaw just once so I would look at you and my eyes were caught in yours. Even if I swallowed my tongue you would make me write it down on parchment.  
"What am I to you?!" I finally asked, trying not to speak so loudly like my emotions wanted to, I would never raise my voice against you.  
"Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this? I feel so... so powerless! Why, Blood?" I never thought I would beg like this in my life.  
You blinked a few times, I knew you would not answer my plead. Instead you brought your face closer to mine and pressed your lips against my forehead, then to my temple, then against one of my ears, on my cheek. Even when I close my eyes, still your hot breath caused my skin to tickle and made my lips tremble when you brought your thin lips against mine, making them attach together perfectly like broken pieces of a vase, your grip on my jaw tightening the harder you kissed until both hand and lip softened and pulled away, leaving me with gazed over eyes and my 'heart' ticking again.  
You grew a smirk on your lips as you pulled away, landing back gracefully in your seat and looking at me with some sort of pride as you accomplished to seduce me in some form.  
"I don't see you complaining, Elliot." I felt the heat grow in my face and I know it had changed colour due to the blood rushing to my cheeks.  
"I...I..I-" You waved your hand and silenced me, a smirk still on your face and a small snigger passing them as they parted to make their next words, finger tips motioning for me to shoo.  
"You can leave now Elliot."  
I didn't think to answer and rose to my feet, switching from the bed sheets to my robe beside the bed, quickly I pulled it on and you still hadn't moved from your chair and had resumed to drinking your tea. I decided you would not say anything else to me so I moved towards the door, but as I reached for the door knob I heard you speak.  
"Sweet dreams, Elliot."  
I did not look at you and I just opened the door.  
"Good night, Blood." I moved to the other side before closing it, making sure I heard the latch click into place before leaving you just to begin picking up the pieces of my shattered pride.


End file.
